So... one of my biggest insecurities is my body! From as far back as elementary school, I remember thinking that I was fat. I tried everything to loose the extra weight or at least try and hide it with the right clothes. I can not recall many times in my life that I remember being content with the way I look.
A few years ago, my brother's wedding was coming up in September and I knew that I needed to have a consistent workout routine to prepare for it! So I decided I needed to try something new. I had done the personal training thing, the group classes at the gym thing, I had done the cardio and weights on my own thing. I didn't really love any of those workouts, but I did them to lose weight. In February I decided I would run the marathon in October because I had never met a fat marathoner ( to be COMPLETELY honest... that IS why I signed up for my first marathon. I had never run a day in my life, but I figured that even if I didn't make it to the finish line it was better to try and fail than to not try at all!
So the marathon came and went and I didn't loose any weight (at least not enough to note). No one told me that you typically don't lose a lot of weight training for the marathon because of how much you eat to fuel your workouts. So... I was in the best shape of my life, but still not happy with my body! After running a few other marathons, I decided to give triathlons a whirl. I mean... while running, you really just use your legs. In triathlons, you use your arms so much in swimming and biking too! That would surely get me to shed some of the extra lbs! Nope... not for me! Finally, I decided to set my sights on the Ironman! If the Ironman didn't make me ripped, then it just wasn't in the cards for me! Well... guess what... finished the Ironman and STILL not happy with how I look.
Which got me thinking...
Could the problem maybe be in my head? Why am I so worried with how I look when I am able to accomplish some pretty bad-ass things? I can run bike and swim for 16 hours and I am still not happy with my body! Why am I concentrating on the things that I don't like about my body, instead of celebrating the bad-ass things I have trained it to do? Clearly, my ego has been working overdrive on this one! I keep looking to the future and comparing my body to what I want it to look like, instead of living in the moment and appreciating everything I am able to do!
Which leads me to the scary thing I did this weekend...
I started attending Bikram Yoga pretty regularly. In case you are not familiar, it is a 9o minute yoga class in a room that is heated to about 110 degrees. It is amazing! Most women wear a sports bra and booty shorts because, as you can imagine, in that kind of heat the less you wear the better! I could never even begin think about ever wearing just a sports bra in there no matter how hot it got! A tank top and crops were my uniform in that class! Well this weekend, in the spirit of this blog, I decided to do something that scared me and shed the t-shirt I was wearing. That's right... I rocked a sports bra (and crops of course) in Bikram. This was a huge moment for me! I had to get past my own ego issues about my body to get to a place where 1.) I didn't care what others thought about me and 2.) I stopped being so critical about myself!
I wish I could say that I instantly didn't care about anything and totally enjoyed the class but if you think one way for 29 years it is not going to change instantly. ... but I got the ball rolling...
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Friday, October 29, 2010
Communication
Do you ever have a conversation with someone at work about something you are going to do and when they send a follow up email recapping the conversation it is not at all as you remembered?
Do you ever witness something happen (no matter how small) with someone else and then hear them recall the event to a third party and realize that you would have told the story very differently emphasizing different parts?
Do you ever have a point to make and in the middle of a discussion, you realize that maybe you're not exactly sure what your point was in the first place?
...So I think I recently realized that I kinda suck at communication!
One of my co-workers that I recently started working with, told me that we are not communicating well ! I started to think about a few instances in the past few weeks and came to the conclusion that I may, in fact, be the common denominator!
I feel as though I have a pretty good grasp on things. Last night, if you would have asked me I would have said I was a pretty effective communicator! But I think we often tell ourselves the things we would like to be true!
Then I started thinking about the lululemon manifesto once again...
"Listen, Listen, Listen, and then ask strategic questions." I feel as though I am so worried about getting my point heard, and communicating my opinions that I don't have any more energy to actually listen to what is being said to me! I do not create the possibility for open communication because most of the time, I don't think I am really interested in hearing what that person has to say! (Talk about the ego rearing it's ugly head!!!!) I definitely walk away with my "version" of the conversation, but what does that matter if the other person has a completely different version of the conversation and how it took place???
Also..."Communication is complicated. We are all raised in a different family with slightly different definitions of every word. An agreement is only an agreement if each party knows the conditions for satisfaction and a time is set for satisfaction to occur."
This is the tough part... coming up with an action plan.
Just acknowledging that I may "suck at communication" is not enough! Instead of admiring the problem (and owning it), I need to come up with a solution (even a temporary one that I may revise later!)
So... I will follow-up to conversations by recapping the main issue discussed, including the final outcomes and who is responsible for any actions. That way any miscommunication can be cleared up pronto!
That should get me started...
Do you ever witness something happen (no matter how small) with someone else and then hear them recall the event to a third party and realize that you would have told the story very differently emphasizing different parts?
Do you ever have a point to make and in the middle of a discussion, you realize that maybe you're not exactly sure what your point was in the first place?
...So I think I recently realized that I kinda suck at communication!
One of my co-workers that I recently started working with, told me that we are not communicating well ! I started to think about a few instances in the past few weeks and came to the conclusion that I may, in fact, be the common denominator!
I feel as though I have a pretty good grasp on things. Last night, if you would have asked me I would have said I was a pretty effective communicator! But I think we often tell ourselves the things we would like to be true!
Then I started thinking about the lululemon manifesto once again...
"Listen, Listen, Listen, and then ask strategic questions." I feel as though I am so worried about getting my point heard, and communicating my opinions that I don't have any more energy to actually listen to what is being said to me! I do not create the possibility for open communication because most of the time, I don't think I am really interested in hearing what that person has to say! (Talk about the ego rearing it's ugly head!!!!) I definitely walk away with my "version" of the conversation, but what does that matter if the other person has a completely different version of the conversation and how it took place???
Also..."Communication is complicated. We are all raised in a different family with slightly different definitions of every word. An agreement is only an agreement if each party knows the conditions for satisfaction and a time is set for satisfaction to occur."
This is the tough part... coming up with an action plan.
Just acknowledging that I may "suck at communication" is not enough! Instead of admiring the problem (and owning it), I need to come up with a solution (even a temporary one that I may revise later!)
So... I will follow-up to conversations by recapping the main issue discussed, including the final outcomes and who is responsible for any actions. That way any miscommunication can be cleared up pronto!
That should get me started...
Monday, October 25, 2010
I'm Back!
So I took a little "break" from my blog! I was having a hard time coming up with things that I deemed "scary" enough!
I have run marathons! I have completed an Ironman! I want to climb Mt. Kilamanjaro! I want to move to Colorado for the summer. These things seemed scary to me at first but were always very manageable because I knew I had complete control over them. I know I have the discipline to complete the training or making the plans! I knew I could do it! These things don’t scare me anymore.
What scares me the most is letting myself be vulnerable to my friends and family. I would much rather listen to what is going on with you and help you with your problems than have you worry about mine. I get very uncomfortable telling people when something is wrong with me. I have acknowledged that I need to be more vulnerable to live my best life, and allow others to see me in a place of vulnerability to create the possibility of greater and stronger relationships in my life.
So what am I doing today that scares me???
The things that scare me are sharing my feelings and insecurities with the world.
My insecurities:
1. I am afraid of being alone, which is only encouraged by my tendency to push people away.
2. I tried so hard for so long to be SO independent, that I am scared that I don’t have any room left for relationships.
3. I worry that I am too controlling (because I know the best way for everyone else to live their lives;).
4. I worry that my life has gotten so focused on accomplishing the next goal, or checking the next thing off my list that I have lost sight of what truly makes me happy in life!
5. I’m still terrified of spiders;(
Sharing my insecurities with you in this way, terrifies me!!!!
All of that said, your heart and feelings can either come from a place of fear (resulting in more fear in your life) or from a place of love (resulting in more love in your life). I choose the latter.
I have run marathons! I have completed an Ironman! I want to climb Mt. Kilamanjaro! I want to move to Colorado for the summer. These things seemed scary to me at first but were always very manageable because I knew I had complete control over them. I know I have the discipline to complete the training or making the plans! I knew I could do it! These things don’t scare me anymore.
What scares me the most is letting myself be vulnerable to my friends and family. I would much rather listen to what is going on with you and help you with your problems than have you worry about mine. I get very uncomfortable telling people when something is wrong with me. I have acknowledged that I need to be more vulnerable to live my best life, and allow others to see me in a place of vulnerability to create the possibility of greater and stronger relationships in my life.
So what am I doing today that scares me???
The things that scare me are sharing my feelings and insecurities with the world.
My insecurities:
1. I am afraid of being alone, which is only encouraged by my tendency to push people away.
2. I tried so hard for so long to be SO independent, that I am scared that I don’t have any room left for relationships.
3. I worry that I am too controlling (because I know the best way for everyone else to live their lives;).
4. I worry that my life has gotten so focused on accomplishing the next goal, or checking the next thing off my list that I have lost sight of what truly makes me happy in life!
5. I’m still terrified of spiders;(
Sharing my insecurities with you in this way, terrifies me!!!!
All of that said, your heart and feelings can either come from a place of fear (resulting in more fear in your life) or from a place of love (resulting in more love in your life). I choose the latter.
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